NyStateOfMind

It’s been one of those days today when all you do is think about stuff you shouldn’t think about. Some things made me put a huge smile on my face and if someone could see me they would wonder what’s wrong with me. Other things made me cringe and feel sad.
My mood is going up and down and I can’t really explain why. I feel like I’ve lost my motivation to everything.

My 21st Birthday

After a pretty good lecture in school this morning my private chauffeur picked me up and we headed to Espresso House. Got our second iced coffee this year and walked down to the canal. As we were sitting there we started talking about who our friends are and who we really hang out with. We came to the conclusion even if we have lots of good friends no one will ever be able to replace the other.

Left the city and drove to the countryside where it smelled like manure both inside and outside. Jenny is pretty used to it but for me it was painful. The plan was to clean her apartment but before we could start we needed energy. Jenny made dinner and after that we started the cleaning. I was in charge of the most disgusting place in a whole house, the bathroom, while she did the dishes and cleaned the rest.


Our company at the canal

Its 44 days until Greece or Glekland like we prefer to say. Jenny and I booked the trip probably two months ago. We have talked about traveling for a while now and one day as we were sitting in my kitchen with a cup of Joe we decided to just book it. It’s been a tough year in so many ways and we thought a week in the sun with tzatziki and umbrella drinks was well deserved.

Pauline, one of the funniest people I’ve ever met, mentioned a few times in the past week that she too wanted to go to Glekland and as of today a third ticked is booked and she is coming with us.

The countdown continues. Tick tock tick tock

Got a nice surprise last night when a friend I haven’t talked to in a while wrote to me. We talked for a few hours online and then continued sending text messages back and forth until 2am! I was so exhausted this morning and when the alarm rang I clicked it several times. Of course this made me late and I had to rush this morning to catch the bus and get to school in time.
Met up with my old teacher for a quick run-through of the exam that I unfortunately have to redo. I don’t feel any smarter and I definitely didn’t feel like it was necessary to rush to school for this. I got some other school work done though so the day didn’t feel like a complete waste which was good. 

If anyone deserves to be happy it’s you.
You are a wonderful person from inside and out.
It means a lot to me to be your friend.


Thanks for those words! You made me smile and still do.

Finally got to sleep late this morning, so late in fact I woke up feeling a little groggy. Vacuumed and put away all the dishes as soon as I got up and then spent the next hour sitting in my kitchen window feeling the warm sun against my skin.

Did a good deed today and helped Jenny’s grandmother to the supermarket and the post office. I think I’m going to start doing one good thing for someone every day.
They say (who are they btw?) by doing something good to someone else something good will happen to you. Of course that would be nice but it’s not just that, it’s so much more.

Just pay it forward

Happy Easter! I’ve been off from school all week and I have enjoyed every second of it. Yesterday after work I headed straight to my parents house for a BBQ. Once I got home I passed out on the couch, something I think my body has been longing for. The Easter bunny didn’t find his way to my house, its okay though; I really don’t ever eat candy anymore and don’t even have the urge for it.

It was my cute little nephew’s birthday today and I got to celebrate with him for the first time. BBQ once again and the whole day was spent outside. I even got to see my brother who I haven’t seen in a long time.

After the party me and Jenny went back to my house grabbed a blanket, plastic cups and a bottle of wine. Walked down to the park across the street where we spread the blanket and just relaxed for a few hours. I am now so tired my eyes are going in two different directions. Time to sleep.

Wednesday is known as “little Saturday” and of course you have to make the day worth it’s name. The sun was shining once again, and like all other crazy people me, Jenny and her friend Jimmie made our way in to the city to sit by the canal with our sunglasses and an iced coffee just to do some people watching.

Lilla Torg was the plan for lunch/dinner with Jenny and Pauline and we got a table at TGIF around 4. A few other friends popped in during the night and after three bottles of wine, some Galliano and a drink or two we headed home around midnight.  

Music means extremely much to me and whether I’m happy or sad music is something I can always relate to. Listening to love songs on the stereo, random music from the radio or playing something classical on the piano all depends on my mood. Today the choice was old songs on the computer. Since Christmas 2009 I have loved this one particular song but not until today did I really pay attention to the lyrics and I fell for the chorus. You can express so many feelings through music and these few lines describe just how I feel at the moment.

I was hoping we could heal each other
I was hoping we could be raw together
I was hoping we could challenge each other
I was hoping we could crack each other up
I was hoping we could dance together
I was hoping we could be creamy together

Depressing? Yeah maybe a little, but it’s still awesome.

I have a roommate for the next few days and although he is snoring and making a mess he is pretty cute and it’s nice with some company.

Monday and the sun has been shining all day. Started the day with breakfast in the park with Jenny then headed straight to the doctor’s office which was a total flop. We may not pay for expensive medical insurance in Sweden but they sure make it complicated to go to the right place and get what you need. Left the doctor’s office pretty upset and headed to school where I spent all afternoon. A coffee in the sun and dinner with a friend ended this day pretty good.

Our new friend

After having two weeks of internship in school Friday couldn’t come fast enough. Got home around 7pm, had dinner, took a shower and headed back out for a party night with my classmates. A decent amount of people came and I had a blast. Drinking, dancing and getting to know people I never really talked to before made this Friday a perfect beginning of the weekend. Went to bed around 4am and my eyes opened at 8am Saturday morning feeling like I had slept for a week. I will never understand why that happens to me every time I drink.

The plan for Saturday night was for me and Jenny to have a glass of wine and chit chat, it ended with 10 people drinking vodka and Galliano while listening to music from the 90’s. Went to bed late again and of course I woke up nice and early Sunday morning. Surprise!!


Oh boy do I sound and look like an alcoholic.

Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve

I thought of making a completely new blog but coming up with a new name and a new design seemed too much of a hassle for someone like me.  NewYorkStateOfMind was good while living in New York but at the same time I still have New York close to my heart and who cares about the name anyway.

Since it’s been almost seven months since I wrote last lots has happened.

• Two semesters of school
• Bought an apartment
• Separated from Mike
• Lost some weight
• Met a new guy who turned out to be an asshole
• Booked a trip to Crete with Jenny
• Lost my job because of bankruptcy

I would say this is a pretty good summary of what my life has looked like for the past seven months. Some good things and some bad, I guess that’s how life is.

Mike convinced me to start blogging again and I think I might take his advice and do it. After all it’s a great way to ventilate your thoughts and feelings plus I get to write in English again. And yes, I will keep writing in English even if I live in Sweden nowadays.


                                   ..Memories..